Existentialism: Damn.

In all my years of reading literature, ive had little contact with the ideals of Existentialism. In the socratic seminar in which I stumbled along blindly, I realized that Camus's writings in the handout you gave us , the sisyphus one, I discovered a philosophy that greatly matched my own. As seen in my first blog post, i had always wished humans to accept that the world is truly chaotic, that there is no great plan.The idea of predestination is a dangerous one, making people feel as if their troubles and the worlds are unfixable, that they are useless in the face of the cosmos. As a newly birthed existentialist i say nay! Would the universe exist, would it matter, if not for our human eyes to see it? Should mankind stand meekly as the process of the universe overtakes us? Or stand proudly before God and fight against his laws, no matter the futility? By accepting chaos, we give ourselves a freedom that is unmatchable, to face a world where WE are the only source of order, of liberty, in a universe ruled by process, God. My family has always been a religious one, and i often butt heads with my mother, who believes that God is some sort of busy body who punishes and reward people for doing things wrong. Years of seeing the world as it truly is, an unfair cruel world, has made me fear that  if such a god were to exist he would be a cruel one. Earth is in my opinion abandoned, alone, in a sea of process. There should be no great journey, or creation of order: only the individuals search for true happiness (hopefully through love, for happiness can be found through the suffering of others.) should matter. I just want to live life happily in this world through my hand, i dont want to be God's puppet. Maybe i'll fail, but like Sissyphus, ill keep trying.

Anime: A Wanderers Guide

"Midway upon the journey of our life
  I found myself within a forest dark,
  For the straightforward pathway had been lost. "
The Divine Comedy - Inferno
Dante Alighieri

Although previously in class i had shown that i much preferred american television to japanese animation im just going to come on out and say that for a while i was addicted. I believe that the onset of this anime addiction has a direct correlation with my increased sloth (I believe you can attest to that academically). But i shall relate to you my downward spiral (and escape) from the Anime world. I shall start at the beginning, in the far reaches of my now distant youth.......9 months ago. It had all started with my increased access to the Internet and increasing disintrest in Video Games (still cant get over it). In my boredom i began to delve into the dark heart of the Internet, where i discovered a complex and terrifying world of 4Chan, Know Your Meme, Reddit, and their various Niche groups like the Whovians (Doctor Who Fans), Trekkies (Star Trek Fans), Star Wars Fans, and of course Weeabo/Otaku culture(Weeabo is a deragatory term for people who love japanese culture). In my travels, With Urban Dictionary as my Vergil I descended into all the circles of the Internets, dicovering wonders like the Bronys (male fans of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic) and terror like The Furrys (No comment). As I descended further i discovered the thriving Anime culture. Beginning in the early 90's Anime gained popularity with series's like Gundam and Dragon Ball Z. However, Anime has never really gained mainstream acceptance, being mainly a niche pastime. I was introduced on one of my journeys to 4Chan (A site devoted to the "real" Internet dorks, mainly just a site devoted to joking, flame wars-online arguments, homophobia, mysogyny, Occasional uploaded pornography, and Anime-Note- adult anime is commonplace-research all anime before watching, you never know what you will get) i was introduced to anime. I was amazed by the zealotry of the fanbase in defending their favorite animes, and the love the fans seemed to have for Anime  (exemplified by Fan Art and Fan fictions, basically fan created media of a franchise. STAY AWAY. most are either extremly sexually explicit or are just horribly written.). Currently in anime there are the "Big Three", the three most popular anime, One Piece, Bleach, and Naruto. I was drawn to naruto mainly for its reputation as a good beginners anime. Detailing the adventures of a boisterous adolescent ninja named Naruto, what drew me in was the complex and unique abilities of the ninjas (who by the second season were basically wizards in funky clothes), unique and varied characters, and an initially interesting plot. Over the course of several months i greedily watched over 250 episodes of this show, and i eventually grew to hate it. across 250 episodes the plot slowed to a crawl, gone were smart strategys of old and replaced with an escalating arms race of  increasingly insane moves (What you can raise the dead? Summon a giant black Demon? Well check out my ability to change reality!!!!), and Naruto's desire to save his his Rival/friend Sasuke from evil had become dragged out to the point that one wondered if Naruto harbored homosexual feelings for Sasuke. Even the central message of "never giving up, to try hard despite not being born great" was replaced with the common trope of a destiny child. At this point I stopped watching as it became a chore to continue.

Thus i entered the cruel seas of the purgatory of common anime. For several months i attempted towatch other popular anime, but was repelled by the sheer volume of sappy "Harem Genre" and "School Days" anime. Harem genre is an honestly repulsive genre usually involving a single male weighing his options between multiple brainless, stereotypical girls who all happen to attracted to him (GRRR). You would not believe the sheer volume of this trash. School Days is just that- detailing the lives of japenese students in highschool (although, i did find one, FullMetal Panic Fummofu amusing). Occasionally they show romantic interactions between the characters, in some escalating to more serious relationhips (it is fairly tame...sometimes...SCHOOL DAYS!!!) but remember they are in Highschool!.That in my book is downright pedophilia. The one i watched was "School Days", honestly i knew already it was terrible but it since it was a subject of much ridicule and notoriety i watched it. It was terrible, morally deficient and with its satisfying ending. Ask me in person for more, math is required for this shows explanation. Several others were mindless Lolicons or Moe anime, another dark tumor in nerd culture, Lolicons are anime or manga depicting romance between "men" and "younger" woman-google it, while moe is an art style that makes every female and male seem to be about 8 years old. honestly after alternating between several of these poor excuses of Anime (some of them bordered on pornography) I began to notice a noticable abundance of """"""romance""""" anime, and i soon gave up. What bothered me was less the gratuitus rear and breast shots (as well the gravity defying breasts), but more about how woman in anime were just useless, oversexualised for no reason, and merely serve as love intrests for the men. honestly after several anime i could not remember a single heroine. Afterward i renounced anime as perverse....poop....and began watching Avatar the Last Airbender-An AMERICAN show.

That is until just a few months ago I finally emerged into the light, when a new anime caught my eye-FullMetal Alchemist : Brotherhood. Hailed as one of the best anime i decided to give it a try, hoping against hope that it would prove animes salvation. And truly i was not dissappointed. Detailing the adventures of two brothers, one whos soul is trapped in a suit of armor, the other without several limbs, Full metal Alchemist is the journey to regain both their bodies and their discovery of a nationwide conspiracy. In my opinion this was a great work of fiction- i no longer had to lower my standards for it for being an anime and i treated as an independant work. For anyone new to anime this is a perfect gateway drug. However i will say that although the message of the show was good, the ending was too....well i wont spoil. What followed was a renaissance, i discovered that the "popular" anime pandered to the uneducated masses of otaku, while the nuggets of gold in a sea of excrement went unnoticed. Personally Anime allowed me to respect and actually enjoy romance through "Spice and Wolf" a well crafted story showing a semi realistic long term relationship (semi because the girl is a centuries old spirit-note there is some nudity in the beginning but hey! she is a Centuries year old god....) that actually pulled at my still existing heartstrings. Finally Fate/Zero was a anime filled with some deep philisophical undertones and awesome action. In addition the ending was great, apart from the epilogue, Tragic. Now i have finally mellowed, able now to leave in the middle of a series rather than staying up until 5 AM to finish.In the end this journey through the depths of the internet helped me discover a bit of my repressed self, one that is aware of real social interactions, and truly desires some. As i stood atop the mound of adolescence and i gazed at the bright Fields of adulthood i realized that i too wield the dark curse of Sensitivity (what a twist!).

P.S

As a fellow lover of literature, i would like to reccomend Fullmetal alchemist Brotherhood. No doubt compared to most great works of fiction it is fairly mediocre, but it is extremly enjoyable. And plus it represents woman real well (Olivier Armstrong is awesome). No gravity defying breasts i promise.
http://cheezburger.com/7148162304 the steroetypical anime fan

"Paradigm Shift" December Blog

Over the years ive lost the idealistic view that history progresses toward a universal goal, that there is a plan for humanity. As a student of history i have known little else but war and competition. It seemed  that peace might flourish in a corner of the world, but eventually plague, war, or disasters push it into chaos (chaos theory). But recently, i have noticed slivers of light across the great chasm of history, maybe even hope. I learned of a civilization in the Indus Valley, one extremly advanced for its time. What was earthshattering is that close examination revealed that of the 1500 sites discovered, hardly any weapons were discovered, and most surprisingly none had any evidence of warfare. If true this would shatter my previous views of humanity. For years i believed that humans could only have peace through fear, and conflict was just in our nature. But to discover that Humans were able to live in peace, does that mean that our history full of war has just been a mistake? Can i still believe that only conflict drives innovation, when this obviously advanced civilization could do so without war? In most of the cities, the largest building was not a political office for a king, or a temple for the priests, but a massive bathhouse for the common people. When i look back to the Existential theory, that men cant change, i just keep thinking back to this peace. Could the existance of this near utopia be humanitys saving grace, that we can change?


Now actually on topic the article raised a very interesting point that although some cultures find a tradition "normal" americans will always see it as proof of their own moral superiority, but every tradition has a very logical explanation. For example, in arab countries woman are forced to where veils and remain secluded from society. This practice is considered backward by western standards, and even i have gripes with the practice (they could be wasting valuable brainpower!). But to those live with the practice this seclusion of woman is not only a way of life,but to them morally important. To them to cover woman is not only a sign of great respect, but to let woman be judged for their character, not for their looks (parallels to feminism anyone?). The awakening showed that american society was just as repressive toward woman, and from an islamic point of view the real scandal is the use of woman as sexual symbols in commerce (bin laden went so far as to cite this as a reason for the 9/11 attacks). From my point of view both sides are completly right, but "right" has always been a relative thing. Only compromise of both cultures can resolve issues, as i have with my own culture. I am a citizen of the world, and to me my nation is anywhere where justice thrives.

*(november blog ) The Quest for normalcy

I have always been an avid reader, and personally the heroes of the stories themselves have fascinated me. However, ive noticed that no matter how powerful or godlike these characters become, their only use is to sacrifice themselves to destroys anything else fantastic. Beowulf for example was nearly a hero incarnate, but in the end his death and defeat of Grendal, his mother, and the dragon left the world in a status quo, something that really bugs me. In shakesperean stories there is no victory of good either, In hamlet the story ends with the whole ruling family dead, almost as a "washing of the sins". In Romeo and juliet the deaths of both end in peace between the montagues and capulets, again a status quo. All of the greek heroes lived and died to make "modern greece" possible. heroes have begun to seem like pawns, thrown away by society to achieve a state of normalcy, and anything fantastic dies with the hero. With this in mind what do all heroes accomplish really? Is normalcy really preferable to the exciting or fantastic?

A Denial of Fate

After the in class discussion of the idea of fate I've been puzzled at how much the concept vexes me, despite the fact that it is a subject that i often ponder (why do you think i'm quiet, because i'm shy*sarcasm). The idea of fate at one point in my life once comforted me, but as i got older i created a my own odd philosophy. Despite being  a Christian i share none of the fanciful ideas of my fellow believers, that God holds physical sway on this world. I believe that although God created this world, he is merely the Arbiter of it. He stands over this world, basically an ant farm, as he battles against the sum of mans internal evil, known by most as Satan, but who i believe is just the manifestation of our own evil. The world is merely a set of equations made by him, everything, including the earthquakes ,weather, and now even our deaths can be predicted(we have a genetic timer of how long we live or what diseases we get)  . Humanity's own nature has made our history as violent, as brutal as it has been, there is no plan. In a sense, this world is Purgatory. But don't fear my fateful reader, not all is doom and gloom! By their being no plan their is always hope that man, just as we created Time itself, can create a paradise of understanding, and that we are NOT destined to continue on as we do. A God separated from mans world is the only God that can be one filled with Love. He could have made Humankind a bunch of puppets, with no will. Instead, like any parent, He gave  us Will, the most beautiful of gift, to  make our own decisions and carve out our own place in this transient world. A God with miracles would be an unfair one, if he chose some over others. As humans we seem to be interlopers in this world. Since a child i have always felt that we don't belong, unlike other animals that populate our earth.  We have placed a mark on this planet, as none have done before. In a world of equations as i envisioned, i like to believe that we live outside it, like dust floating inside a clock, free, but pushed along the waves of eternity. I say to hell with fate, and to hell with humility. This world is ours for a short time, in the meantime we should not bear the brunt of the world quietly, but fight against it and reach for a future of peace that maybe, just maybe , be just within our reach.

The "New" kind of Hero

During my reading of Beowulf i found the story to be bland and, well, boring. Gone was the humaness of greek stories, with heroes with complex personalities and personality defects, as well as storylines that seem more realistic(i.e Good men are antagonists or the Heroes dont live happily ever after"). Beowulf as a character is bland and except for his action is never personally described. There is no character growth at all. What i found interesting is that  Beowulf marks the starting point in which Europeon heroes became more and more Grecian. As the time went on the heroes became more and more "human" but remained perfectly moral, like King Arthur. Eventually the trend continued up until the present. Today mainstream society seeks heroes that are flawed, often tragically or that are anti heroes-the "badasses" like the action movies of the 80's in which the "hero" would fight evil, but for their own selfish purposes( the Terminator protecting John Conner because of his programming). there has also been a trend toward giving former weaklings like Peter Parker in SpiderMan and giving him superpowers. Unlike Beowulf the hero is not born a hero and is often humble, whereas beowulf is prideful and confident.