Existentialism: Damn.

In all my years of reading literature, ive had little contact with the ideals of Existentialism. In the socratic seminar in which I stumbled along blindly, I realized that Camus's writings in the handout you gave us , the sisyphus one, I discovered a philosophy that greatly matched my own. As seen in my first blog post, i had always wished humans to accept that the world is truly chaotic, that there is no great plan.The idea of predestination is a dangerous one, making people feel as if their troubles and the worlds are unfixable, that they are useless in the face of the cosmos. As a newly birthed existentialist i say nay! Would the universe exist, would it matter, if not for our human eyes to see it? Should mankind stand meekly as the process of the universe overtakes us? Or stand proudly before God and fight against his laws, no matter the futility? By accepting chaos, we give ourselves a freedom that is unmatchable, to face a world where WE are the only source of order, of liberty, in a universe ruled by process, God. My family has always been a religious one, and i often butt heads with my mother, who believes that God is some sort of busy body who punishes and reward people for doing things wrong. Years of seeing the world as it truly is, an unfair cruel world, has made me fear that  if such a god were to exist he would be a cruel one. Earth is in my opinion abandoned, alone, in a sea of process. There should be no great journey, or creation of order: only the individuals search for true happiness (hopefully through love, for happiness can be found through the suffering of others.) should matter. I just want to live life happily in this world through my hand, i dont want to be God's puppet. Maybe i'll fail, but like Sissyphus, ill keep trying.